I dedicate this hateful poem to all who read this blog out of dubious motives

The Mostly-Unlamented Crabbaloon

Whose Rotten Attitude left him vulnerable to the flapping of a butterfly’s wings

Moral: Don’t be crabby!

Blue Meanie*

A Crabbaloon sat on a log near the coast
Grumpy and greedy and quite prone to boast
He wished all his ‘enemies’ soon become toast
That crabby old crabbaloon!

The Crabbaloon thought it was time to have fun
He tired of the peace and the sea and the sun
He wished he’d remembered to pack a shotgun
That vicious old crabbaloon!

Then Crabbaloon noticed a butterfy flutter
In front of his face and before he could utter
A cry or a sneer or a tut or a mutter
The flutterbye flittered away

The Crabbaloon lunged at the slender blue fly
But he tripped on a rock and the shock made him cry
Then he rolled on his back and he swore at the sky
In a terrible, violent rage

The Crabbaloon cursed, then he swore once again
Only vaguely aware of the cause of his pain
(Another free spirit had escaped him again!)
It made him most horribly crabby…

The Crabbaloon managed to curse all day through
He cursed and he swore ’til his whole face went blue
Then he cussed once again and collapsed on the dew
And expired that very same night

The Israeli Tourist Board is keen to get more Britons to visit the SLASOUPT (Shitty Little Apartheid State on Usurped Palestinian Territory).

It’s latest advertisement carries the rather modest slogan: “Few countries pack so much variety into such a small space as Israel!”

Fancy bird-watching in the Golan Heights? How about a fishing holiday in Gaza? Don't miss the all-inclusive tours of checkpoints and Palestinian refugee camps!

Users of the London Underground have been treated to these delightful ads in the form of large wall posters (presumably secure beneath the watchful eyes of CCTV cameras, strategically located to discourage paint-bomb attacks?)

But the advertisements may may not be up for long. Britain’s Advertising Standards Authority received a torrent of complaints and has upheld the principal  concern: the ad includes a map which, to put it bluntly, wipes Palestine completely off the map!

The boundaries of Gaza and the West Bank are marked, but with lines so delicate they’re almost invisible.The ad is therefore in breach of the Committee of Advertising Practice Code 7.1 , which comes under the quaintly old-fashioned heading of ‘Truthfulness”: “No marketing communication should mislead, or be likely to mislead, by inaccuracy, ambiguity, exaggeration, omission or otherwise.”

According to the BBC report Advert Implied Gaza in Israel:

Advertising Standards Authority: promotes honour among thieves

A kindly beast, my fly is black
He rarely lies upon his back
And when he does, I note he’s dead
(Stuck in the butter on my bread)

'Flies'

Beware the fly with purple legs!
His buddies are the very dregs
They like to sit around and fart
Because they think it’s cool and smart

The fly who has bright orange wings
Is lots of fun and rarely stings
He likes to jest and wears a vest
(His mother told him, she knows best)

So please don’t crush a fly for fun
And put away that sticky bun
A fly that’s free is full of glee
And buzzes off soon after tea.

_________________

Cartoon by Ian Baker

Check out the 2009 NewMatilda.com Political Cartooning Competition as it approaches the final round. Australia has some talented cartoonists.

I especially like a runner-up in Heat 10 by freelancer Jon Kudelka.

It’s a nice follow-up to the notorious Doonsebury moneychangers cartoon.

'The Evolution of the Parasite'

As cartoonist Garry Trudeau – creator of the syndicated Doonesbury cartoon strip – recently discovered, the difference between money changers and money lenders is not insignificant. Getting it wrong can lead to trouble.

Garry Trudeau: can't tell the difference between change and a loan

Money changers are the guys who cash you up in local currency when you go on overseas holidays. If you play the foreign exchange market, they make the swaps. Useful, hard-working service providers, those money changers!

On the other hand. money lenders are often considered a disreputable lot. It’s not the lending as such that usually annoys people. It’s the interest they charge. Money lenders are loan sharks. If they get big and respectable, they call themselves banks. Bankers have earned themselves a bad name, over the centuries.

Now, here’s a simple exercise. Don’t think too much about it… just give the first answer that comes to mind…. In the famous account from the New Testament, who did Jesus whip out of the temple? Was it money changers – or money lenders?

The Doonesbury cartoon that the Anti-Defamation League considers 'anti-Semitic'

The correct answer, according to most translations of the Gospels of Matthew and Mark, is money changer. Abe Foxman of the US Anti-Defamation League of B’nai Brith believes that matters a lot. Along with a few other Jews who emailed the Doonesbury website to complain, Abe considers the Doonesbury cartoon above is an anti-Semitic slur. Not for the first time in his long career as a professional offense-taker, Abe is demanding an apology.

Ulysses and the Sirens

The sirens’ soft enchanting song
Might make our hero linger long…
And so they strapped him to a mast.

Now Conroy’s Filter’s here at last!
(The latest thing in self-control
No need these days to hug a poll)

'Ulysses and the Sirens' by Otto Greiner, 1902

No Sleaze, Please – We’re Australian!

In Britain, homeland of his talented originator, his future is secure under the name ‘Wally’.

Where's Wally?

In North America, the same character was re-branded as ‘Waldo’. In Germany, according to Wikipedia, he’s called ‘Walter’; ‘Charlie’ in France; ‘Willy’ in chilly Norway.

Wally is the geeky character in a red and white striped polo shirt, who used to be very hard to find, lurking as he was wont to do in obscure crannies of ornate illustrations.

He is the brainchild of Martin Handford, a very original illustrator.

These days, Waldo seems to have reached critical mass. He’s even on Google Earth. Like Swine Flu gone bad, suddenly there are outbreaks of Wally everywhere. Whoever manufactures Waldo T-shirts must be riding out the global recession very nicely.

"We are!"

The phase shift came when large groups of people – usually folk associated in what Kurt Vonnegut called ‘granfalloons’ – started vying to be the biggest bunch of Wallies in human history. The main incentive: a mention in the Guinness Book of Records.

Surprisingly, no-one seems to have started a ‘Where’s Osama?’ craze yet. It would be much more relevant in the 21st Century. Frustrated children, unable to find the wily Wahhabist wandering along any of Afghanistan’s mountain ranges or ‘embedded’ in any of Pakistan’s crowded villages, might be encouraged to take a leaf out of the Bush/Obama book: if it’s too hard to find the bastard – even with $ millions in prize money to win – just rip out whole pages and burn them!

Our Galaxy

Two-Armed Spiral Milky Way: a CalTech artist’s illustration of our galaxy, portrayed from a view perpendicular to the galactic spirals.

Our sun is located just to the right above the Persius Arm.

It just takes a little imagination...

Cartoon by the incomparable Dr Fish; spotted at The Vineyard of the Saker