Bob Ellis: raconteur and political fantacist
The much-loved (and occasionally reviled) veteran Australian journalist Bob Ellis has introduced a new artform into the 2010 Australian election.
Bob has begun reporting conversations that didn’t happen at all – but might well have happened.
This is more fun than chattering about unproveable anonymous ‘leaks’, that have dominated the campaign thus far. When inventing an imaginary conversation that did not happen, an author can put in more detail and even set the ambience. Perhaps this is why fiction was invented?
Here’s my own contribution to the genre…
They sat in a bar frequented by Gen Y, somewhere in Canberra, at the end of a long day. It was one month into the gruelling five-week Federal election campaign. The date was August 13th. One week to go! Time to crack a bottle and take stock.
One of the men was still anxious about the election.
“Lighten up Bruce” said his companion. “Have a drink!”
“I’m worried about Queensland” murmured Bruce.
“Don’t be” said Frank. He exuded confidence. Labor Party operatives such as Bruce wondered where he got it from.
“It’s OK said Frank. We’re putting extra troops in Queensland. Get Up’s marginals campaign will swing it. You’ll see.”
What a News Corp journalist thinks about Australians who remain steadfastly opposed to mandatory internet censorship
“What about the filter crazies?” said Bruce. They’ve been driving us nuts. I’m getting back-benchers ring up demanding we change the policy. They don’t usually demand anything except celebrity visits and money for their bloody electorates. It’s giving me gutrot.”
“She’ll be right Bruce” interjected the third participant in this informal catch-up between mates. “Just stay the course. The IT lobby will shut it now. They can say the filter’s off the agenda. The Libs have dumped it. That takes the heat out… for now. And that juicy $42 billion NBN – it’s even got the EFA nicely wedged. Talking of wedgies, anyone fancy a steak?”
Bruce chattered on: “It’s not just the filter. There’s that poxy data retention thingy too. Who the hell dropped that FoI document just before the election? 90% redacted! Now the nerds are twittering Labor’s gone North Korean!”
“It’s OK” said Frank. “Chill out. Get Up’s public recognition as the authentic voice of the trendy left is higher than ever. We have the data to prove it. And what have we said about data retention?”
“What have you said?” asked Bruce.
“Exactly” said Frank.
“I must be off!” The third man rose. “I’m starving! Just remember this. Get Up – respond to press inquires and play straight bat. Get the troops out. That’s it. Labor, just stay the course. You won’t have probs this last week. The leaks might well have stopped” and he winked.
“’It’s the economy stupid!’ We’ll see to the rest!” the third man concluded with a tone of finality.
He departed for his favourite steak bar salivating at the prospect of juicy beef, well-cooked and tender.
